The effect?

My fear? Hmm... that's a toughy. I've definitely been through some really difficult things, but thinking back on them now...I never really truly dreaded anything. I love all animals or insects in general. Losing people I love is depressing, but life moves on (not that I'm a heartless bitch; Sam's death did come as a shock). I know myself well enough so I wouldn't have a problem with myself or with how I deal with other people...

What is there to be scared of?

Well, there is something. I have been worried about it for a while now. It is simply not being loved. I mean, all the teasing has an effect, too, right? Quite depressing, I know. I'm not very confident in that area.

Damn, I sound like Lei now.

At the bar, there they were

The first person I met is Tama and Tomo. I met them at this bar and they were arguing over something. When they were getting too loud, I decided to butt in but then I realized that one of them was Tama Winogradski, one of the royal princes of Venus (I am such a royal geek). I was quite excited about it. :-) but then I realized that the other person looked exactly like him. And then they panicked a bit about being found out, and then Tomo had enough of it and went away. I never saw him again for a REALLY long time.

So, basically, I got stuck with Tama for four or five months. I didn't think he's ever seen earthlings before, so I was forced to take care of him, because in the corners of my heart there was pity. Not that I minded much, since I have always wanted to meet another royalty (They never allowed me to go to royal meetings before :-(..). But men, was Tama a handful. Oh, the days were chaotic like fuck. It was fun, looking back, but not really something I'd like to relive. It was a hard time.

Which reminds me of this conversation I had with Tama.
We were in a seminary yesterday, just the two of us along with strangers. I took the chance to talk to him again. It's been a while, after all.

Saki : "Tama, you're a narcissist, aren't you?"
He was seriously listening to the talk, so it took a while to squeeze some responses from him (I can never take talks seriously).
Tama : "I've been told a few times, so maybe I am."
Saki : "So you like being the best..." (wasn't really a question, so I was surprised he answered)
Tama : "Of course. Doesn't everybody?" (Good point.)
Saki : "Didn't they name Prince Ralph as handsomest prince, before?"
Tama : *just starring*
Saki : "Aren't you, you know... Jealous? Out-raged? Aren't you going to get him assassinated, drive him to live with twelve dwarves, make him eat a poisoned apple so that you can be the fairest of them all?"
Tama : *chuckles a bit* "that's absurd. I would never kill Ralph."
Saki : "But you can."
Tama : "But I won't."
Saki : "But his status is higher compared to your lowly status."
Tama : *he just blushes*
Saki : "....So you do want him out of the way?" *big devious grin*
Tama : "No. How many times do I have to tell you that? No! No! No! No!"
Saki : "Okay...but why not?"
Tama : *he blushes some more* "He's... Well... I am..."
Saki : "Go on. Don't be shy."
Tama : *glares at me for mocking him* "We're similar, Ralph and I" (he suddenly talks professionally)
Saki : *wtf stare* "AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YOU'RE NOT SIMILAR! AHAHAHAHA! RALPH IS WAAY BETTER!"
(the speaker asks me what was so funny and I apologize and behave.)
Tama : *glances at me with a shamed expression*
Saki : *suppressing laughter* what's the real reason.
Tama : *he sighs* "He's a good guy."

and then I didn't push anymore because he seemed tired already. Ahh, gone are the days when I used to build us a tent in the middle of some forest, give him milk and lull him to sleep. My little boy is all grown up! *tear*

my first love

So I read Vanilla's blog about her first love and I decided to write mine as well.
Wait, who was it, exactly?
I'm not sure if it was Li are Lei... I've known Li for a long time, and he might've been the first guy I actually looked at as a man... but, you know. He's like a brother to me. It's just... he was comfortable with me and used to change in front of me (just shirts, though). And who in their right mind would not look at him as a man after that? He's got a nice body, too, since we have war-based school.

On the other hand, I looked at Lei in a sincerely pure way, which is why I think he's my first love. Of course, we met during high school, and I immediately befriended him because I thought (NOTE THE PAST TENSE FRIAS) that he was handsome. Because, yeah, I'm a slut. I roll that way. I knew that I was irritating him. It was painfully painted all over his face. He was a very very very silent and mysterious guy back then so I was enchanted. He warmed up to me, later on, so I got to know that he's actually energetic deep inside. And really clueless about life. Very kiddy. And he sees girls as "cooties". I think I was the first girl he told this to because we used to be really close.
I didn't give up on my love yet, when I learned of those totally turny-offy facts about him. I actually thought it was adorable.
And then he joined the poetry club and got a bit serious with literature.
then he started unleashing his true self more when he got closer to Ceika-dude, Eji and Lee, forming the "HB" band.
And then he went out with Paris.
And then he became all quiet again.
And then... I wanted something to drink... so I went to get a drink in the caf, and I saw something really beautiful. And I forgot all about Lei.

Hey, that actually sounds sweet. :-D